"Ms. Doomsday" and Chickens, Eggs, Hills & Dales

I have a new name for my mother--Ms. Doomsday. The lady can find a worst-case scenario not only in a best-case scenario but even in a no-case scenario. See example below:

Me: (Quietly looking out car window, minding my own business.)
Mama: You have to take care of your skin doubly well in Delhi--clean it, moisturize it. The pollution is horrendous here...People age five times as fast as anywhere else in the world. I read in the papers. And stay out of the sun...it causes cancer. Move your face away from the window. Is your door locked? I read in the papers that hooligans these days are grabbing girls out of cars at traffic-lights. Don't trust anyone in this city, not a soul. And don't smile too much. Not even at the old people. Just yesterday they caught an 80-year-old who was running a sex-slave ring out of his little village...don't you ever read the papers??

I'm sure this dialogue would be different if my mom were writing this blog and not me. Her version might go something like this:

Me: (Rushing into oncoming traffic.)
Mama: Piya, I think it is unwise to cross the street without looking both ways.

Jokes aside, despite her doomsday ways, I'm truly thankful my mom is here because I honestly don't know how we'd get anything done without her. Everything is so circular, it's comical. For instance, to get a bank account or a new cell phone you need this mysterious and elusive thing called "proof of residence" which is almost impossible to prove because to prove "proof of residence" you need a bank account or cell phone. Finally, after endless debates, arguments, cajoling, and some foot-stamping a kind stranger let us in on the secret solution.



The Notary. One way to establish "proof of residence" is to drive to a random street where a bunch of lawyers sit under random trees (see photo above) and for 300 rupees they will notarize and "officially" stamp a special piece of paper with a government seal on it that says absolutely whatever you want it to say. My paper said (I'm not joking):

DELHI-AFFIDAVIT

Piya Kochhar, daughter of Shri Nippi Kochhar and Shrimati Rita Kochhar, do hereby solemnly swear, affirm and declare as under:-

1) That I am residing at the following residence in Delhi (list apartment address).

2) That I am an Indian Citizen.

3) That I am applying for Telephone & Internet connection at the above said premises.

4) That this is my true statement.

VERIFICATION DEPONENT (signature)

Verified in New Delhi on this 24th day of January 2007 that the contents of the above affidavit are true and correct to the best of my knowledge and belief.

DEPONENT (signature & stamp)


Back at the cell phone office this special paper worked like a charm--I had a cell phone in no time. It's another matter that they later had to retract my phone number because the cell phone guy authorized it without proper clearance from his boss and it's been almost a week and I still don't have a phone... I'm not bothered at all. Atleast I have proof of residence.